Last week at physical therapy, my PT suggested I have a more mild case of RSD/CRPS- or Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. Mild isn’t quite the right word to describe the pain I’ve endured the past four months or so. I’ve been having some good days recently. I shouldn’t have gotten so comfortable. Today, I’ve been getting some intense shocks, much worse than the little deep “zings” I have been dealing with the past few days.
Of course, this leads me to a crying episode. I have been so involved planning the wedding and it has kept me so hopeful for the future. I was scrolling wedding photos as those shocks came with its electrical fury. I just couldn’t help, but cry. The optimistic part of me wants to say “Emily you can do this. You can live with this. You can get through this. You can have a happy life.” The realistic part says, “Emily you have chronic pain that limits a lot of what you can do. This could potentially interfere with school, the wedding, honeymoon, jobs, LIFE, etc. You are trying so hard to be happy, but it’s a false hope Em.”
I will get through today just as I get through every other day. I will fight the voice that tells me to give up. Good days will come and I just have to trudge through the bad ones to get to the good ones, even if it means spending the day in tears.